15th October 2010

Date : 15th October 2010
Day : Friday
Time : 9.15pm
Venue : Office
Status : Alone with my hungry tummy
Background music : S' Wonderful - Joao Gilberto

It's Friday night!
And yea.. I'm all alone in office.
It's been so long I never spend my Friday night alone.
Been busy the whole day and I've just finished all my work in hand at this time.
If I'm still the same old me, perhaps, I'll still go out with frens even it's 11pm after work!
But I choose to stay in office alone tonight.
I don't feel like meeting anyone.
Don't feel like putting a smile again,
throwing jokes and making fool of myself to make people laugh.
I need a 'me' time in this quiet environment.
I need to deal with loneliness somehow.
Or will it be the new me?

My colleagues all was complaining that I'm too lame and too noisy.(they are perfectly fine with it but just to tease me la)
But i started to wonder 'is that the real me'?
I started to feel lost.
Which is the real me?
What I want in my life?
What I really am?
And what I really want?
I dunno!
Life, Work, Money, Love, Family, Relationship!
I failed to be a son, I failed to be a bf, I failed to be a date, I failed to be myself!
I'm all screwed up!
I need time for my own again to pick up from pieces.

24 years of life passed.
It's my birthday again in 7 days time.
I don't feel excited at all for this birthday.
I always wish to celebrate my birthday with someone special.
But this birthday I dunno who to be with.
So, no leave on this 22nd! WORK! WORK! and WORK!!
I need things to destract myself la. :)
Earn more money yo!

Birthday is just a normal day thou!
Why would I having any expectation on this day.
Perhaps, I'm a person who have too much expectations in life.
But, I started to absorb the theory of 'When there's no expectation, there will not be any disappointment'.

It's proven in everything tat happened in my life.
I realised it! But I'll just let this to be happened over and over again.

Shawn! Wake up!